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Dedicated to Crystal Torres... By Punkerslut
A heterosexual man and another heterosexual man. One of them starts reading a book to the other one. Man one: "What the hell are you doing?" Man two: "I'm reading a book to you." Man one: "That's retarded.... I don't want to be read to at all." Man two: "Well, I mean, I was picking up your signals." Man one: "What signals? What the fuck are you talking about?" Man two: "Don't you dare pull that crap with me. You were sending me heavy signals and I was sending them back." Man one: "You can go to hell is what. If I fucking want to do something, ask me and I'll let you know." Man two: "But, but, it's reading a book to you -- ... doesn't it seem.... dorky to ask?" Man one: "Really, were you dropped on your head as a child?" Man two: "Come on.... If I ACTUALLY asked you if you wanted to be read to, you'd say I was a nerd and without any understanding of social relationships." Man one: "The fact that you can't SIMPLY ask me if I want to do something shows that you are very much OUT OF TUNE with human relationships. God... Were you raised under a bridge or something?" Man two: "But asking will totally ruin the mood of me reading to you." Man one: "What the hell do you mean? Jeeze, maybe I REALLY AM in the mood for a good read, maybe not. Too fucking bad you didn't have the nerve to ask!" Man two: "Come on, you know it would have." Man one: "Ummmm, no." Man two: "So, you don't want me to read a book to you?" Man one: "Are you fucking stupid? Not only do I find you to be mentally inapt, but right now you are creeping the fuck out of me. Jesus." Man two: "Can.... can you tell me no in signals, then?" Man one: "Okay, listen... You aren't understanding. There are no signals. Or, if they exist, they're just a socially pathetic way of communicating a message. You want to do something. You have a mouth. Fucking use it." Man two: "No, no, I mean, I respect your decision not to be read a book." Man one: "Well, ummmm... thank you?" Man two: "It's just that, well, I really, really, really want to do it, and sometimes I get carried away. I'm not sure how it's done sometimes, you people are so confusing." Man one: [silence] Man two: "You probably think I'm an idiot." Man one: "Yes. Yes, I do." Man two: "... I was just doing things in a way that our culture has justified them." Man one: "That is why you're failing at them." Man two: "Hey, you know... I do respect you as a person. Don't get me wrong." Man one: "I don't think I am...?" Man two: "I understand that there are definitely other facets to your life. When I look at you, I see that you have an emotional, an intellectual, and a social life, that you are more than just some person I can read a book to." Man one: "Well, I appreciate.... I mean, what the hell am I saying? You can go to hell." Man two: "Wait, just hear me out... I'm not expecting you to change your mind about me reading the book to you. I'm just trying to say that I respect you as a person who does other things besides having books read to them. You have your own mind and body, too. You're not just someone to stimulate by reading a book to, as much as I would love to do it. I mean, you can understand that. I see you, and the thing I want to do most is just, oh my god, just read a book to you." Man one: "..... why?" Man two: "Ugh! You wouldn't understand. You're not someone who reads books to others. It's just an intense, unending desire. Like I said, I'm not disrespecting you or trying to, and I respect that you have other characteristics than that one side. It's just, holy hell, what I want to do more than anything else with you, I'm sorry. Man one: "Uuummm, don't be sorry, but, also don't be creepy." Man two: "Man, now I just feel embarrassed about the whole thing. I mean, I actually tried to read a book to you when you weren't into it... Man, maybe I should relearn what the signals are for this game and everything. God, I hate playing the field." Man one: "You tried to read me a book... and you didn't even ask if I wanted to read it, though that would be just about customary in everything else. That right there alone is awkward." Man two: "Well at least you're talking to me about it... I would imagine most men would refuse to even have a conversation with me and just generally regard me as a degenerate." Man one: "It's only being read a book to. I can handle that. Just ask next time, and act like, humane and rational about it, ignoring whatever society or culture says about it." Man two: "But you said no to me. Now I feel rejection about this... promise me you won't tell my friends about this." Man one: "I imagine you'd be the sort of person who doesn't have any friends." Man two: "Just promise!" Man one: "Okay, I promise." Man two: "Ah, I suppose this is pretty awkward now." Man one: "... yeah, when someone sits down and tries to read a book to you, for no apparent reason... with perhaps a seemingly fetish desire about it. Yeah, that is awkward, for me." Man two: "But for me, it is so incredibly awkward. I feel that we can't go back to our prior relationship after what happened, unless we can completely and irrevocably forget what has just happened right here and right now... But I tried to read you a book and you rejected me! There is no way that can be forgotten!" Man one: "I'm sure... that we can just, pretend it never happened? Hell, it's a normal thing. Reading a book. Really, come on, get over it." Man two: "Okay, okay, okay, I think I can act towards you like a normal, sincere person..." Man one: "Eeehhh, well, maybe if you can forget everything you've learned this far." .......... in destroying, we are building. Punkerslut,
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